I work in a small law office with two partners Ashley and Janice. I am assigned to Ashley as her administrative assistant. The job pays well, $35K per year, but it has it downsides. Ashley is really busy and I do everything from getting her drycleaning, fetching her coffee to making sure the cleaning company comes to her home.
This is not great, but recently it got worse. Ashley came back from a client meeting and called me into her office. She said she was beat and asked me to give her a foot massage. This seemed really inappropriate but I did not think I could say no. I sat next to her and she took off her shoes and I proceeded to give her feet a massage. This was really unpleasant as she had been wearing heels and hose all day. While I did this she totally ignored me and talked on the phone to a client.
I felt a little demeaned afterwards, but Ashley has come to expect this now. I was actually considering quiting my job.
Should I quit my job?
Have you told her how you feel about it? If she thinks you%26#039;re supposed to because it%26#039;s %26quot;other duties as assigned%26quot;, then you might be out of luck. Or you could check with the Stae and see if massages are only legal if you%26#039;re licensed...? ;P
Seriously, talk to her about it, and if she still feels that you should do it, she%26#039;s demeaning you purposefully, and then why would you want to continue working for someone like that?
Reply:Is there a higher-up you can talk to and tell them how you feel?
She is taking advantage of you just because you work under her, and you shouldn%26#039;t have to be made to feel uncomfortable at work. Why should you quit your good job just because she was in the wrong? What does your job REQUIRE you to do? I doubt a foot massage is one of them. That%26#039;s almost too personal. You%26#039;re her assistant, not her servant.
Don%26#039;t be afraid to stand up for yourself. The next time she asks, put your foot down and tell her no.
Reply:Ask for a position description. Ask to review any vague terminology such as, %26quot;duties as assigned.%26quot; Come on, you KNOW that you don%26#039;t have to massage anyone%26#039;s stinky feet to keep a job, right? Contact the Equal Employment Opportunities Commision and file a report if Ashley insists on this to retain your job. All of these things sound like more of a personal assistant than secretarial anyway. Even at that the stinky foot massage is over the limit.
Reply:A foot massage? Seriously, not only is that a servile request, it is inappropriate. Ask yourself if you really like this job. I%26#039;d be calling a recruiter and checking the classifieds. If your income is $35K/year it equals about $17 an hour. (There are 2080 hours in a work year @ 40 hrs a week.) Can you do something on your own and make $17 an hour or more? What does a masseuse make? $50 an hour?
It is demeaning - don%26#039;t kid yourself. Bottom line though, don%26#039;t quit your job until you have another job. If you have accrued any paid time off (sick leave, vacation, comp time) then use these hours to interview. Since this is a small firm, assess your skills and accomplishments so you have something to brag about on your resume and start shopping it to larger firms. Worse case scenario, take this up with your local EEOC or labor board and determine if this can be defined as some sort of harrassment.
If you do like your job, then you and Ashley need to define your job responsibilities and you bill her for ancillary services outside of the scope - like foot massages.
Reply:You would quit over this but you won%26#039;t say that you%26#039;re not comfortable with it because you%26#039;re afraid of getting fired? I would say no and if she fires you because of it then at least you can get un-employment.
Reply:You should talk to Ashley politely but firmly that you are very uncomfortable doing the foot message. She%26#039;s probably gonna ask you why. You want to say something possible related to health and hygiene reasons. You want to stay clear of saying that you don%26#039;t like doing it -- (i.e. Ashley may respond: tough a lot of people don%26#039;t like their jobs).
I don%26#039;t think you should quit your job right now, but it definitely does not hurt to start looking, in case things do not get better, after you talk to her.
Reply:I would tell her that what she is asking you to do is inappropriate and not what you signed up for. If she doesn%26#039;t take this well then you can quit but I would have to let her know why.
Reply:I do not think that you should quit your job but you should definitely talk with your boss about the foot massage issue if it bothers you and maybe inquire about a list of job duties. You should try to resolve the issue first before you quit.
Reply:Ha Ha Ha, not good yes you should quit. Working in a law office she should know that it is illegal. If you don%26#039;t want to quit then make remarks she can hear or tell her interesting facts about bosses getting sued for demeaning employees. If you feel like you can%26#039;t say anything then turn in a letter of resignation. Considering that you are going to leave at that point you should tell her like it is. Maybe even threaten to get your own lawyer. Ha Ha Ha play her game!
Reply:Why don%26#039;t you talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. If she doesn%26#039;t think that anything thing is wrong in it then go find a new job. You should NEVER have to feel like that anywhere...
Reply:I%26#039;d tell her that you think it%26#039;s over the line. Update your resume first and make plans in case things get ugly fast. I%26#039;m betting that if you%26#039;re fired you will get a handsome %26quot;go away%26quot; money package if you document this request somehow.
After all, a sexual harassment suit will be tried in front of a judge that the firm tries cases in front of all the time. Not good.
Reply:you should that is just abuseing it. look for a job that make u confortable and you will fell fappy working there. look for another job there are alot out there.
Reply:I think you need to lay it out there that you feel like rubbing her feet is an inappropriate request and you are not comfortable doing it. You are not a licensed massage therapist, what if you hurt her inadvertantly (long shot, I know, but it could happen) Once you set the standard to her that you can be taken advantage of, she will always do it. You should have no physical contact with your employer in the job you are in and she has crossed the line. Since you are considering quitting, i would go ahead and tell her you are not doing it any more- worst thing that happens is she fires you and you can collect unemployment until you find something new. But you are not wrong to be upset! Good luck!
Reply:Can I suggest that you look at what you will gain and lose because of your action. Start from there.
Also, is there anything else she may want with the foot massage. For the money, I would have done it also. Think about why she asked you for the service.Were you the only one she trusted, felt close enough to ask for, or what. You may think about what you want to do or say if this happens again. Can you get away with an execuse of some sort?
You can also jokingly explain to her, when she%26#039;s not pressured and calm, about what you felt (professionally).
Reply:YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE EXPECTATIONS. NEVER LET SOMEONE CAUSE YOU TO FEEL THAT YOU ARE BELOW THEM! THAT IS MY FIRST BIT OF ADVICE. NOW,BEFORE GIVING UP YOUR MEANS OF SURVIVAL, TALK WITH ASHLEY AND LAY YOUR FEELINGS ON THE TABLE. YOU MAY BE SURPRISED AT THE RESULTS! IF THIS APPROACH DOESN%26#039;T WORK OUT THEN MAYBE IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE. I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN WHAT IS MEANT TO BE WILL BE NO MATTER WHAT! IF IT IS MEANT FOR YOU TO STAY, YOU WILL. IF NOT, ANOTHER DOOR WILL OPEN! I PROMISE!
Reply:All the other stuff you said, while annoying and not really an %26#039;administrative%26#039; duty, in my book, is perfectly fine. You are the assistant, to assist in whatever things may help the day run smoother. No biggie, HOWEVER, physical touching (even if it is the feet) just totally crosses the line. Next time she asks, have a person lined up who would be willing to come to the office and do on the spot foot massages/pedicures, OR find the closest place that does them, and say, %26quot;Ashley, I never spoke up before now, but I am really not comfortable with the whole foot massage thing. I can call, so and so, and set up an appointment for you instead?%26quot; See what happens. Maybe she had an assistant in the past who did it, offered it, and didn%26#039;t mind it, who knows, but I would think ANYONE would know that this clearly crosses boundaries, and who knows what else she might ask you to do later on down the line.
Reply:You can either:
~ Suck it up and take pride in how well you can go over and above the call of duty.
~ Start tickling her feet every time to the point that it gets annoying to her and she stops asking you
~ For the next occasion (even if you have to invent one), buy her one of those foot massagers that she can just stick her feet into under her desk or something. OR buy her a gift certificate to a place that gives pedicures. Maybe she%26#039;ll get the message.
~ Talk to the other partner about how inappropriate you think it is and maybe the other partner will talk to her about it.
~ Go ahead and start looking for another job.
I%26#039;m not sure what I%26#039;d do. If I really liked working for her and liked her as a person, I wouldn%26#039;t mind making her feel better. Hey, she might include a nice Christmas bonus for me the next year, ya know?! But if I didn%26#039;t really like her as a person, I%26#039;d say screw this crap and find another job.
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